she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
