i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
