you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
