Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
