Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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