Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
