you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
