I hate your face
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
