I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
