just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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