Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
In America we eat man semen.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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