i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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