Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Barsexuality is the new black.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
