So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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