in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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