Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
