no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
