She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
