You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
