I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
