Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
