Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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