just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
