he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
