i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
