So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
