My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
