i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
