I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
