i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
