Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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