I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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