I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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