Im at strip club and am horny
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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