dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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