I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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