I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
