i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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