Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
