did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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