hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Even my vagina gasped.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
