Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're too hungover to prance.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
