i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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