we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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