I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
