two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
