If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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