well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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