i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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