You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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