I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
