Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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