Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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