Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
