The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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