You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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