Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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